Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Oh Dread

Today the steam got blown out of me. I couldn't hold it in anymore. Tears, again. It's been a while. But there they were. At the end of the day when I can't take it anymore, that is a common time for me to cry. Alone. I'm not the kind of person who likes to cry in front of everyone. So, when I am alone that's when the tears come. It's funny how I knew this would happen. I would have a bit of a "let down" after all these good days. I start to feel out of control and my mind has dark thoughts. Like flashes of hurting myself. Not like I want to, but just a flash. What would it be like if everything I cared about today was just suddenly gone? Nothing would matter to me. Much like R's tragedy has completely changed my perspective on the many things and stressors of life. Priorities change. Material things mean almost nothing. They more a symbol than anything else. Crap, crap, and more crap we all want to have. It all means nothing. You cannot take it with you when you die. What can you take? Love. Faith. Relationships. 

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