Tuesday, March 4, 2014


Sometimes I want to go to his grave site, jump up and down on it and yell, "YOU.ARE.NOT.SUPPOSED.TO.BE.HERE!!!"  Over and over again until he comes back to life. You were so young, you idiot! You had your whole life to live!
But I just sit there under the huge oak tree, the breeze and the birds chirping. It's quiet.
When will he comeback? 
Any minute now? 
He is gone.

A few nights ago I had a nightmare. I woke myself up from yelling and I was drenched in sweat. I had been screaming, "Get out!!! Get out of here!!! You are not allowed to be here!!!" Ghosts had invaded my house and would not leave. I have heard that you must do this if you want spirits to leave your premises. You have to tell them to leave, there is nothing for them where you are residing. I can guess that the house is my "new life" that I have been forced to find. And that I do not want these "ghosts" of grief to follow me or haunt me anymore. Unfortunately, they will linger. Maybe not be visible all the time. They will make themselves known sometimes. I do not want them to ruin my hopefulness. Stay away! Things in my life are feeling normal -whatever that means. I have a purpose. As each day passes it is further and further from that awful day and makes it less intense.

So I dream about Tornadoes and Ghosts. What do you dream about?

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